Have your close friends been making remarks about the smallest thing you are supposedly doing wrong? Have your friends encouraged you lately and reminded you of your successes or are they silent? Do your friends believe in your abilities to make something happen? Do your friends believe in you? Do they help you stay motivated and happy? Or do they increase self doubt?
If you had a friend that criticised your efforts, only saw the wrong and not the right, and never applauded a victory would you keep them or get rid of them?
Yet, somehow, we often do not apply to same standard to ourselves.
The voice or self talk in your head is allowed to run riot.
As my mentor Ian Cleary says, “The brain is a terrible master, but a wonderful slave.”
When you talk to yourself in a negative way and put yourself down, you damage your best efforts to improve yourself. No-one needs an inner critic.
You are not your thoughts.
Yet your thoughts will determine the direction you go in life and how you operate in this world. The thoughts you repeat to yourself on a regular basis will become you.
Self talk is with you for the rest of your life. This voice is a skill and a habit. It’s not your fault if it bad. This stuff isn’t taught to you in school. However, only you can take charge and change it.
Your Self Talk Is Your Inner Coach
Repeat that to yourself.
Your self talk is your inner coach.
Sometimes you have a good inner coach (Big yah!!! to you for working on it and having great inner talk). But when you are under pressure, have messed things up, gone outside your comfort zone or stressed you revert back to negative self talk.
Your mind will, after a certain point of negative talk, believe what you tell it. When you believe the negative things that are being said you accidentally slip into the vortex of that reality. Once in that vortex, that thinking becomes your truth. Your REALITY. It is then difficult to find a way out.
When you believe the negative things you say to yourself you can’t change easily.
You become stuck and discouraged. Change becomes stagnant. And you may be consumed by fears.
It is vital you start believing in yourself again.
Release the fear.
And believe you can do it.
It’s your time to shine right now. I know you can do it. You have everything inside to be brave again.
I want you to think of the most cuddly, loving and super supportive cheerleader friend you can. I want you to imagine that person right now. Feel the support, compassion and love they give you. This very best of friends also gives you fantastic advice and is full of good ideas. They believe in you 100%. Whenever you talk to your cheerleader friend you always get off the phone feeling nurtured, supported and buoyant ~ like you can take on the world. They have your back always. They want you to do well.
Make sure you pause reading and imagine this friend until you can feel it.
Then scroll down.
That is YOU giving that energy and wisdom to yourself. You always have this coach ready and waiting inside of you. Always.
When you choose self talk (an inner coach) that supports your highest potential, you choose a state that is beyond your current limited perspective.
Catching Negative Self Talk and Turning It Around
A good inner voice not only makes you feel better, it brings out the best in you. It is crucial for rising regardless. And in all the ups and downs to improve my life, my inner voice has helped or hindered. Often, when I’m struggling I find my inner talk has gone back into old patterns.
Notice if your self talk is making you feel small, less than worthy, panicked, down or upset. This is a sign you need to change your inner talk. When you change the story you change your life.
Pour so much self love into you that you have no choice but to see it from a different perspective. Self compassion too. Loads of self compassion. Gratitude also helps to counteract negative self talk.
Remember a time in the past when you were your own number one hero. Tap into the feeling and energy from that time and bring it forward to today to use it.
Choose a perspective that is supportive, kind, encouraging, lovely and wise.
Remember, you are amazing. You can do this. It is all figureaoutable. You are worthy and so deserving of a wonderful life. You deserve to love, live, laugh, play and do good work. You deserve to thrive. You have a right to abundance, money and love.
How To Make Your Inner Coach Super Powerful
Talking to yourself in third person works best. e.g. “Monique you’ve had a rough week, but you’ll get this job interview.” Research found third person activates wisdom and reasoning, and reduces emotions. It gets you out of the bubble. So rather than being inside the bubble of your life you are outside looking down on it. Here is the link to the research.
Also, tone matters so much. It’s not just what you say but how you say it. If your tone is demanding or sharp then you’ll hear the emotion not the words. There has to be congruence – words, tone, emotions and body state.
Body state is crucial. If you talk to yourself in a powerful way, but continue to walk around with hunched shoulders, shallow breathing and tense muscles you will have limited success. Open hearted stance, walk tall, breath deep, relaxed shoulders and muscles. This is often a crucial missing link for people trying to change their self talk.
You are in charge of how you talk to yourself. Practice makes perfect. This is a new habit. Keep at it. Make it work for you. Remember, the mind is a terrible master, but a wonderful slave.
Change your perspective often. See the miracle in your life today. It is always there waiting for you to see it. Practice a miracle mindset.
When you think about a situation ask yourself what you are doing well. Ask yourself what you could do better and how would you do it. Most of our best learning comes from messing things up. This is a far better perspective than beating yourself up over failure and internalizing it.
Good self coaching or inner talk brings about a new better perspective, change your states and helps create powerful change.
Sending you rich tapestries of love,
P.S. Read Part One and Part Two of this series (Change Your Story To Change Your Life) to get the full deep dive. Also, don’t forget to read The Mind Believes What You Tell It. Read Back Home Now I’m Cocooning And Ascending for memoir and how to include more awe in your day.