It was time to do things differently ….
It was that time of year again. My birthday was coming up. And it was bringing up old feelings of loneliness and lack.
For months I had been focusing on coming from a place of strength and abundance – even though I’d been ill and not working. It was time to bring my new JuJu to my ideas around friendships.
Now, my health problems created all kinds of scarcity in my life, including friends. I didn’t get the opportunity to socialize much and meeting new people was hard. There were many hobbies I couldn’t do which is where I’d find like-minded souls. Also, groups had never really worked. I’m couldn’t keep up with all the activities due to no energy, didn’t have the $$ to do cool stuff with them and so I’d always be on the outer. So, I’d usually have dinner with a few close friends. I wouldn’t post it on Facebook and it would all be very low profile.
I decided to believe I had abundance and love with my friendships.
Note the wording – decided to believe. I didn’t hope in a fearful kind of way that this time would be different. I believed from the tip of my toes to the hairs on my head I had abundance and love in this area.
And what happened?
First, a cascade of new thoughts about my birthday and friends appeared over the next week. My brain was consciously and subconsciously finding evidence to support my new belief. The brain will always do this.
I also consciously started thinking about all the great friends I’d had over the years. Some had been in my life for a decade, but we had moved apart. Others were flatmates. Some had been friends then lovers and then it all crashed and burned. I thought about all the people who had not judged me for my illness (See my About Me page to find out more) which was just amazing. I was filled with gratitude about my social circle and the people I had met along the way. That feeling of gratitude – I made sure I stayed with it every day.
I was seeing things in a whole new light. It was astounding. I was changing my story – the story I told myself about my friendships – before my very eyes. Instead of feeling lonely and bereft I was feeling grateful and happy. And I had collected new evidence so I was seeing things in another way. Change your perspective, change your life.
I decided to throw a party at a popular wine bar. And to invite all the people that had been important to me at one time or another. It was my way of saying, “Hello, I’m being social again after crippling illness. I haven’t been available to you. I still like you.” My intent was only to show I cared.
Then another funny thing happened. I didn’t care if I was rejected and someone didn’t reply. It wasn’t about what they thought of me. It was about showing I still cared about them. It was liberating. I felt fearless and wonderful.
I also wanted to celebrate my gains in my health. I’d made enormous improvements in the last couple of months. My birthday drinks became a way to celebrate. Again, my attitude was coming from a place of abundance and love.
Two close friends weren’t sure if they could make it. Normally, I would worry about numbers if the ‘core’ people weren’t coming. This time I was fine and full of confidence – all because I was coming from a place of abundance and strength. And my stress levels before the party were non-existent.
Then the strangest thing happened at the actual party.
People started saying how popular I was. Now, I haven’t been seen like this since before I fell ill, since my twenties! And that was a long time ago. This interesting new label appeared out of nowhere. I overheard one group of people discussing it, and then again later in the night. Some came up and said it to me.
It floored me. I didn’t understand where it was coming from. And then it hit me – my energy and belief shift had created a perception shift. This one radical move had changed my friendship circle – just like that.
I was now being seen as popular. My belief had created a self fulfilling prophecy. And to top it all off, I had an amazing night. An absolute ball!
Now it’s your turn.
Action Item – What will your radical move be?
I recommend starting with an event or situation coming up. Is it a meeting with your boss? A party coming up? A family dinner? Your birthday? Where do you feel lack? Focus on one event. Don’t just use it in a vague and general sense. You can do that later.
The result will be far more powerful if you focus on one event. You’ll see the concrete evidence that it works. This evidence will give you motivation and energy to keep doing it.
Once you have had success with this start applying it to other areas of your life. Now, remember I had being doing abundance, love and strength for some months before I started doing it for my birthday celebration, so if you are not as successful as you would like with your first attempt don’t worry. Keep going. Choose another event.
Practice and belief is the key to all mastery.
Decide right now. Say it out loud. “For this meeting/party/dinner/etc I am coming from a place of abundance and strength.” Say it out loud again. Set the intention in your heart.
Now, I did not think, “what things will I do to create the feeling of coming from a place of strength and abundance.”
I started with the belief. “My friendship circle is full of love and abundance.” It’s a subtle but powerful difference. It means the shift comes from deep within you. And that makes it work. It creates a whole new way of looking at your situation. Your subconscious will find evidence to support your new belief. Trust me. It will.
Also, be proactive. Do some brainstorming to find evidence to support this new belief. The more work you do the more powerful the shift. Gratitude is important too. It changes your perception, rewrites the story and removes some of the stressors that are normally associated with it.
This may seem simple but it is deep profound work. This tool can be applied to many areas of your life. It increases the quality of your life. And in turn your happiness levels.
Personal development gurus, healers and the like talk about coming from a place of abundance, living with love in your heart not fear, or bringing the best version of yourself. So I wanted to show you what that means in a practical sense and how to do it.
P.S. These are two of my most popular blog posts. I do recommend you read them. 8 Top Habits that Create a Bad Relationship to Self and How to Rise Regardless No Matter What.